MRI.

my beautiful boy had another MRI done today.

i always get a little tense/anxious/nervous beforehand.

i try to keep myself busy so i don't have time to think about it all.

before we left for the hospital this morning, i remembered to grab my hope key necklace.

my friend kara sent this to me in the mail a while ago.

it's a "Giving Key".

it came with this message.

i love this necklace.

i haven't been able to think about parting with it yet, but hopefully will be able to when the time comes.

i have worn it to all of connor's surgeries and procedures since i got it.

i'm glad i remembered it today.

we dropped Sissy off at cousin Caleb's on the way to the hospital.

we got to the hospital with plenty of time to spare.

enough time to give my sweet boy plenty of good luck kisses.

he got a spaceship gown to wear this time.

 super handsome.

he does not like laying on the doctor tables.

that crinkly sound of the paper on the table---he hates that.

(also, he always ends up hitting his head on the wall)

:(

good thing mommy loves to hold him:)

i was holding my sweet boy, giving him a pep talk, when i looked up at the ceiling....

and saw this!

AWESOME.

had to be a good sign, right??

we waited for a while.

............

lots of time for me to give lots of kisses....

finally, it was time for us to go back to meet the anesthesiologist.

once you put the yellow socks on, there's no turning back.

today, i got to stay with my son as they put him to sleep.

i layed him on the table and stood next to him, holding his sweet hand while they put the mask on him and gave him the anesthesia.

i haven't seen this done very often, and it's almost better that way.

it's so strange to see my son go from being so jerky/active to being so incredibly still.

hauntingly still almost.

it was a little jarring to see.

but i'm glad i got to be with him as long as possible.

it's equally as hard sending him back without me, or walking away from his completely still body like i did today.

but i knew he was in good hands.

so then i waited.

the waiting is always hard, too much time to think.

luckily i had my Sudoku puzzle book to keep my mind occupied.

finally, after about an hour and a half they called me back to the recovery room to see my sweet boy.

he always takes a while to wake up and come out of the anesthesia.

he had a tube in his throat to keep his airway open until he fully woke up.

(it's not a binky)

he was a little loopy for a while, but i got him all suctioned and ready to go.

he yanked out his I.V. and we had a slight mess with the blood, but other than that it went fine.

and now we wait.

for the results.

i'm not sure how long it will take for the geneticist to get back to me.

the waiting for results part is always hard.

maybe the hardest part.

so i will try to keep myself as busy as possible, and just wait.

and try and remind myself that we still have hope.

we will always have hope.

<3