thoughts..

today i have so many thoughts running around in my head i feel like i need to try and get some of them out.

they probably won't make a lot of sense.

but that's my head.

connor goes in for his MRI tomorrow.

i think this is his 6th one?

at least.

i always get a little anxious before these tests.

i so desperately want it to show something.

something.

but do i?

because if it shows something, what will it be?

it won't be something good.

but the unknown is so unbelievably frustrating.

so i don't know exactly what i want.

answers would be nice.

but i don't want horribly awful answers.

and that's what i fear they would be.

so i just don't know.

 

i just know that i love him.

and i would do anything, anything to be able to help him.

he's just so perfect.

he really is.

my heart is also extremely heavy with worry for one of my best friends.

her new little baby is having some trouble, undergoing test after test with no real answers yet.

my heart just breaks for her.

i know the feeling of the unknown, the frustration, the worry, the fear.

and i hate that she is having to feel all that!

i just hate it.

if i could take all that pain and worry and fear away from any other mother, i would.

i would keep it all for myself if no other mother had to feel those emotions like i've felt.

like i feel.

i love my friend so much, and know that she is strong enough to handle whatever may come her way.

but i don't want her to have to.

i don't want her to have to deal with any of it.

 

i just feel so much today.

so many things.

so many thoughts and emotions.

all running crazy in my head.

and then i look at this sweet boy...

and for a minute i can breathe again.

 <3