i hear the sirens....

my head has been a jumbled mess lately.

i have so many things i'm thinking about that it all just gets lost inside my mind.

i've been driving a lot lately, to appointments and such, but also just aimlessly driving because it's the best place for me to try and get some of those thoughts out.  and i can listen to music.  music helps me think.

and this week i've been listening to the new Pearl Jam CD. (love it!)

you know how there are songs and music that just makes you feel things?  that you just connect with and relate to?

well the song "Sirens" on the new PJ album really did that for me....i was just driving, thinking, feeling, sorting, and that song came on and i just felt it.  i felt like it was helping me sort out my own thoughts and feelings about my beautiful boy.  and i know the actual song has nothing to do with me or my life. but to me, in that moment, it did.  it helped me put words to things i was feeling but couldn't sort through.  it helped me pull out some actual emotions from the jumbled mess in my brain.

it just helped.

so i'm going to write the lyrics here, hopefully to help put words to some of what i've been feeling.

for me, the "sirens" are my fears.  my sirens are those signs and warnings and things that are happening with my son that i try not to see or hear, but can't ignore because they are happening, happening now and more often and getting closer.  they are the things i don't want to acknowledge, but will eventually have to because they inevitably will come take my son.

they are my sirens.

here's the song:

Hear the sirens..Hear the sirens...

Hear the sirens.....hear the circus, so profound.

 I hear the sirens more and more in this here town.

Let me catch my breath to breathe and reach across the bed....

just to know we're safe I am a grateful (wo)man.

The slightest bit of light and I can see you clear....

Have to take your hand,

and feel your breath, for fear this someday will be over....

I pull you close, so much to lose knowing that nothing lasts forever.

I didn't care before you were here, I danced in laughter with the everafter.

But all things change, let this remain.....

Hear the sirens....
 Covering distance in the night.

 the sound echoing closer, will they come for me next time?

For every choice, mistake I've made, it's not my plan to send you in the arms of another man (our Savior)

 and if you choose to stay I'll wait, I'll understand.

It's a fragile thing, this life we lead ...

 If i think too much I can get overwhelmed, by the grace by which we live our lives with death over our shoulders.

want you to know that should I (you) go, I always loved you, held you high above, true.

I study your face and the fear goes away.

It's a fragile thing, this life we lead....

If i think too much I can get overwhelmed by the grace by which we live our lives with death over our shoulder.

Want you to know that should you go, I always loved you, held you high above, true....

I study your face and the fear goes away...

  the fear goes away....

 the fear goes away..

<3