keep trying...

it's Sunday, it feels like i haven't done a Sunday post for a while now.

i forgot to take fancy pants pictures, we've already changed into unfancy pants so i'll have to try again next week...

it's been hard.

i'm having such a hard time lately.

i miss my beautiful boy so much, and the pain is so big that i don't know if i can do this.

last night i could not stop the hurt, the tears, the pain of missing my sweet boy.

i couldn't sleep, i couldn't stop crying no matter how hard i tried.

i just miss him!

i miss my son and just wish he could come back!

last night felt like the first few nights without him.  the pain of missing him was so big i honestly didn't think i could get through it......i still don't know how i can.

how can i go on the rest of my life without him??

 is it even possible??

i don't know the answer to that question, i only know i have to have faith that i can.

i have to trust that the pain of missing him won't get bigger than the promise that i'll be with him again one day.

i have to believe that my heart will keep beating even when i can't find the air to breathe.

i have to accept the fact that even though i can't hold him in my arms, i can still feel him if i will just be still and try.

i have to keep trying.

i just have to keep trying.

i am grateful for aubrey, because if i didn't have her i am almost certain that i could not do this.

i know the pain would be too big for me if i were alone.

she is my saving grace, and i know her brother is helping her to help me.

she says just the right things at the right moments, and mentions Connie when my heart needs it most.  i am sure that my sweet boy is whispering those things to her, and i am so grateful for it.

i miss him.

i really miss my perfect little boy.

i don't know how to get through it, and there are moments like last night that i really don't know if i can.........but i will keep trying.

that's all i can do, really.

i know he's safe and free from pain and suffering, and that's what i choose to find comfort in.

i will see him again someday, and that's what i choose to look forward to.

i choose to keep trying.

i love him so much.

i just miss him, that's all.

<3