happy day after saturday!

it's sunday, and that means it's fancy-pants picture time!

we decided we wanted to match and wear blue today.

love.

 smooches.

more smooches.

 a little bit of silly.

winks.

and my favorite part of the day......

watching brother and sister interact.

sharing secrets maybe?

tender kisses.

gentle inspection.

silent understanding.

sibling fun.

i love the love between them.

<3

the little things....

it's the little things in life that bring me the greatest joy.

the feeling of little fingers wrapped around mine.

 it may seem like such a small thing, a regular thing for most people...

but for me it's a rare occurrence.

i treasure it when it happens.

it usually doesn't last more than a few seconds, if at all.  

his hand is rarely still enough or calm enough to let me grab hold.

but today we held hands.

and i loved every minute of it.

<3

no matter how many times i've repositioned him today, he always ends up like this.

he's so uncomfortable any other way.

mom, i'm just trying to be able to breathe better...

he arches his neck way back like this to open up his airway.  

i finally decided to stop moving him and just let him contort himself into whatever position he wanted.

mommy loves you, sweet boy.

so much.

<3

this is what i woke up to this morning....

well, helloooo Spring......welcome!  i see you brought your friend Cold Snowy Mess with you.

it has since melted, for the most part.  but quite a shock to wake up to.  

this week was a slightly better one for connor at school.  he managed to stay awake most of the time, and did a lot of work on the computer trying to get used to his new switches and computer programs.  

he's still struggling with his breathing though, and is pretty darn uncomfortable most days. (and all nights).  i made an appointment to get another scope done of his throat to see if the muscles around his voice box have gotten floppy and are obstructing his airway again.  but we can't get in to see the doctor until mid april.  :/  so now we will just wait.....and i'll try and keep my sweet boy as comfortable as i possibly can.

<3

it's the first day of spring.  and it's getting colder here :(   at least i get to wear my boots and hoodies some more before i have to put them away until next fall.  so that's a plus.  i like winter clothing so much more than summer clothes.
i can't believe this month is almost over already.  time is just flying by!  the good part about that is that it means i'm that much closer to being able to come home this summer!  (by home i mean illinois, my home)  i can't wait.  i miss my dad so much.  and my mom and friends.  i miss how green everything always seems to be when we drive the country roads back to my house for the first time.  i miss the endless view across the cornfields.  i even miss the potent smell of soybeans that seems to follow you no matter which way the wind blows...... for the most part:)  i miss the lightening bugs!   i can't say i miss the mosquitoes. nope, don't miss them.
that's still months and months away......but getting closer.   i hope connor stays healthy enough to enjoy his first road trip in his new car seat.  AND healthy enough so mommy can go see Pearl Jam while she's home..........i might be just a tad excited about that, too.

:)

 

he's looking rather handsome today, if i say so myself.....and i do. :)

 he's having a rough afternoon, though.

 his little eyebrows tell me so much.  

just the slightest slant in his eyebrow can speak volumes to how he's feeling.  sometimes it's the sweetest gesture he has.....when i kiss his forehead or touch his face, and he raises his little brows--- i feel so much love from him.

or sometimes they're completely relaxed, so innocent and tender.

but today they are tense, formed by discomfort.  they are still so painfully beautiful to me.

every little gesture or movement he makes i am connected to.  

i love everything about him.

<3

connor had a rough night last night.  he was up a lot.  a lot more than the usual a lot.  i just got done doing some 'fixing' around his tube site on his belly.  from time to time he gets granulation tissue that grows around his tube (it's just his body's way of trying to close up the hole) so i have to 'burn' it off with silver nitrate sticks.  it wasn't really that bad this time, but i did it anyway, thinking maybe his stomach might be what's bothering him.  he's still really agitated, so there's something else going on.  mommy just doesn't know what.  i wish i knew what to do to make him more comfortable.  

he still looks super cute though, no matter what kind of day he's having.

he's rocking his 'day after st. patrick's day' shirt.

oooh this little face......love. love. love.

 and love some more.

enough with the pictures, mom.  he's getting agitated again :(

as soon as i pick him up and hold him he starts to calm down a little....

after a few seconds in mommy's arms, he's out.  (until i lay him down or move him)

 i know his shirt say's 'he's lucky'.....

but i know that i'm the lucky one.

<3