memorial tribute.

this Sunday is a little special----hard and special.

today we went to a memorial tribute for my beautiful boy.  Primary Children's Hospital put together a sweet tribute for all the families who have lost children over the past year.

i have been looking forward to and dreading this day all at the same time.

i knew it would be hard for me, and very emotional.

it was both of those things.

aubrey and i had to miss church to go, but we still put our fancy-pants on.

some pictures with our favorite boy.

 she misses her brother.

we got to the hospital and found our name tags.

i miss my sweet boy.

inside the program are the names of 29 children.

29 sweet babies that have been taken away too soon.

i recognized a few names.  one of my friends who lost her beautiful little boy, Paxton, was there.

i got to talk to her and her family after the service and i can't say enough how much i love and admire them.  it was a tender mercy that she was there, i needed a hug so badly and she was there to give me comfort when i needed it most.

the tribute was beautiful, and emotional.

they showed a video with all the children's pictures-----that was hard.

when my sweet boy's picture came up i almost lost it completely.  i had to keep myself from totally losing it, i only let myself completely break down with no abandon when i'm by myself at night.

it was so hard seeing my beautiful boy up there on that screen, when he should have been in my arms instead.

i miss him so much.

i am so grateful to Primary Children's and for the Rainbow Kids team and all they do.

they took the time to make this special for all the families involved.

my heart breaks that there were so many people there, so many families that lost their sweet babies.

there are too many.

after the memorial tribute was finished, they gathered us all outside to watch as they released dozens of doves.

it was really beautiful, watching them fly up towards heaven.

afterwards, aubrey and i went to visit our sweet boy's spot.

we told him all about the service.  we asked him if he was playing with Paxton and if he could tell him hello for us.

 we miss him so much.

i miss him so incredibly much.

a dear friend sent me this necklace a couple of weeks ago.

 i love it so much, and it was especially perfect for today.

i am grateful for my memories and for my endless capacity to love.

i love my beautiful so much, and that love just keeps growing.  everyday i love him more, even though he's gone. 

 he's gone from my arms, he's no longer with me here in this physical world, but in every other way he is with me. 

 he is always on my mind and forever in my heart.

mommy loves you, sweet boy.

happy Sunday to you.

<3