connor was a sleepy boy again today at school.  he hasn't had this hard of a time staying awake in a long time. :(  makes me worry about my sweet boy.

i worry when things change all of a sudden for no apparent reason.  he isn't sick i don't think.  maybe he has some sinus or allergy stuff going on, but no fevers.  so that's a good thing.  but he just seems more tired and has to use more and more energy to just be.  

i worry so much about him.  but i try not to let the worry consume me.  i try to use all possible energy to just love.  i just love him so much.

it's hard because i want to know what to expect or what worries i need to focus on, but i have no sense of control over any of that.  i don't know what to expect for our future.  sometimes i just want to know so i can prepare myself for whatever is to come, but then again it's easier to not know so i don't have to think about it.  i try not to think too far ahead because that's just too hard for me.  

 i just don't want to be totally blindsided by whatever the future holds.  but i guess that's the struggle with life.  no one ever knows what to expect.  we are just the same as everyone else in that respect.

so today i'll just be grateful that at least when he's sleeping there seems to be some sense of peace and comfort......

 and we'll take peace and comfort any way we can find it.

<3