Hope will guide me

it's Sunday.

a tender Sunday for me......

i really miss my sweet boy.

yesterday was the Superhero Hopewalk with the Hopekids.

me, aubrey and several of our friends walked in honor of my beautiful superboy.

it felt great, to do something for him.

walking, wearing his Angel Connie cape, those are physical things i can still do for my son.

 i want so desperately to keep doing things for him.

i miss the everyday things i did, i miss it all.

 i just miss him.

it's hard.

it hurts.

it just does.

 that's the only way for it to be, i think.

it hurts so much because i love him so deeply.

and that's okay, because i cherish the love and the love gives me strength to work through the hurt.

i am still here, i'm surviving.......somehow, by the grace of God and the love of others.

i am surviving the hurt because i'm surrounded by so much love and support.

i feel all the love, from near and far---i feel it and i use it to get me through.

my sweet boy's love is like a ray of light that cuts through my darkest days.

i am never in complete darkness because i have his love. (and His love)

i struggle.

but i expected that.

i knew this would be hard, i just didn't understand how hard----no one can unless you've lived it.

what i didn't anticipate was all the love i feel, along with the hurt.

the love makes the hurt bearable, and for that i am so grateful.

i am grateful for the love i feel daily, and for the support that keeps me from falling apart.

i am grateful, so very grateful.

 especially on tender Sundays like today.

<3