heavy.

Sunday...

today there is a heaviness in me.

just a lot of feelings, emotions, stresses, worries....they're surfacing all at once and the weight of them combined is making it hard to breathe.

 

...............breathe...............

i'm trying.

 

my second semester of school started this week.

that's stressful.

i have such a hard time with things like this---new things, change, the unknown.

all the fears and doubts and inadequacies i have about myself come roaring through with full force.

i feel so terribly inadequate.

 

i've been feeling so much lately, so intensely.

when life gets intense, when my emotions become so heavy-----all i want to do is hold my sweet boy!!  if i could just hold my son these fears would be calmed, these emotions that are threatening to drown me would cease to exist...because in that moment there would be nothing else, just me and my beautiful boy and LOVE.

 

oh, i just miss my son.

i just wish i could hold him.

 

  i'm still trying, though.

i'm still searching for strength every day and by the grace of God i am still standing.

i am still hoping and learning and living and loving.

i'm still here and willing to fight like hell.

i don't want to give up, ever.

i won't.

some days are just heavier than others.

hoping tomorrow will be just a little lighter.

happy Sunday to you.

<3