a tender Mother's Day.

it's Mother's Day.

i am happy and sad.

i am so happy because the one thing i absolutely love and adore about my life is that i'm a mom.

being a mother is the best thing that's ever happened to me.

i love my beautiful babies more than anything in this world.

i am sad because i miss my sweet boy.

it becomes very apparent on this day----this day that celebrates motherhood----that part of me is missing.

one half of what makes me a mother is gone.

my beautiful baby boy is gone and it hurts.

i am a mother because i have two perfectly beautiful children, but when one of them is missing it feels like half of me is gone too.

my dear friend Ramee asked me to contribute a post for her "Mother's Day Week" on her blog, and i shared most of my feelings about this day in that post.  i'll share the link here:  raising redheads: Mother's Day Week: Crissy

 

this day is hard.

it just is.

but it's not that different than every other day, they are all hard.

i wish i had my sweet boy in my arms.

i wish i could still be his mommy here on earth, here in this physical world.

i miss kissing my beautiful boy's sweet face.

i miss taking care of him.

i miss holding him and loving him up close.

i miss every single bit of it.

 

 

but this day is also wonderfully beautiful.

because i have this sweet girl to remind me what being a mom is all about, and that life is so worth living, and that we still have so much to live for.

i love her so much.

she does more for me than she will ever realize.

we are getting through this together, and i know i couldn't do it without her.

she brings out the best in me.

she makes me smile.

because of her i can still laugh, she makes me giggle.  she brings out the 'silly' in me, and i love her for it.

her heart is so tender.

without even fully realizing it, she has made this day so special for me.

in every gift or card she has given me, she has included her brother, her Connie.

this selfless little girl chose to focus on her baby brother because she knew how hard this day would be for me.

without ever having to fully explain it to her, she knew.  she knows me and understands my pain better than anyone else in this life.

i am so grateful for her.

i'm so glad i have her to help me get through all these hard days.

i hope i do half as much for her as she does for me.

i love being a mother, a momma, mommy.

my kids are my whole entire world.

i miss my beautiful boy, i hope he knows how honored and privileged i am that i got to be his mommy.

happy Mother's Day to all of you, to whoever loves and cares for a child, whether they're yours or not.

<3