so.

i finally talked to someone about connor's EKG results just a few minute ago.

earlier today the scheduler for surgery called and we went ahead and scheduled connor's throat surgery for June 4th.

but i just got off the phone with the Dr. and he wants us to do a follow up with Cardiology pre-op.  so we have an appointment for this Thursday with Cardiology.

he wants to check and make sure connor's heart is ok enough to go under anesthesia.

apparently the EKG is fine, except for it show possible right ventricular hypertrophy.

(meaning his heart is working harder to pump blood to his lungs)

i'm still not sure exactly what it all means for my sweet boy.

we'll find out more on thurs.

but i do know that it makes me sad because any difference in his heart that shows up on an EKG is significant to me because it's always been fine before.

just worries me, that's all.

i worry when things change, especially when areas of his body that have been fine before start becoming not fine.

i worry that things will keep changing, for the worse.

i worry that once they start changing, they won't stop.

i worry it will all happen too quickly and i won't be prepared.

(not that i ever could be prepared, even if i knew exactly what to expect)

i just worry.

but,

i am hopeful they can still do the surgery in june and that they'll be able to stop or slow down any damage being caused to his heart by his breathing.

i'm hopeful that all these worst case scenarios i keep running through my head will turn out not to be the case.

i am hopeful.

<3