this morning connor didn't have a fever.

and he only had a slight one last night so i went ahead and took him to school today.

he was asleep on the way there and didn't really come out of it the whole time he was at school.

he's been doing this thing where he isn't really asleep, but definitely not awake either.

he used to do it ALL the time, where it looks like he's awake, but he's not.

his brain isn't able to come out of the sleep state but his eyes are open and he just starts jerking and making more noises and moans and whimpers than he ever does when he's awake.

he used to do it almost everyday, and just started doing it again yesterday.

it can last anywhere from 5 minutes to over an hour.

today i held him in his classroom while he jerked and made all kinds of noises and cries for about 1 hour and 15 minutes.

they are the cutest, saddest, most adorably painful sounds that come out of my sweet boy.

and the tears.

tears just start streaming down his face during certain points.

 i love him so much.

finally he got to a relaxed enough in between-sleep/awake state that i put him in his wheelchair and his teacher told me to go run my errands and that she'd keep a close eye on him until i got back.

he slept the rest of the time.

and a little more when we got home....

he's so incredibly beautiful.

i think he's finally catching up on some of the sleep he's certainly been missing out on at night.

(he's been waking up every hour on the hour to be suctioned lately)

i'm so grateful for these precious moments where my sweet boy is completely calm and at peace.

i hope his little body was able to recharge during his rare lengthy nap.

i love him.

<3