i am learning.

it's Sunday again.

aubrey and i are trying to forge ahead with the fancy-pants Sunday picture time...

.....and then we decided we just needed our sweet boy.

ahh, much better.

and of course, there had to be a silly one.

we miss him so much.

today was especially hard for me because i had to teach in Young Women's at church, and it was my first time teaching without the comfort and protection of my beautiful boy on my lap.

my topic was "what is the purpose of life?"

oh man, was that hard.  i felt so much more insecure without my sweet boy there to help me.  but he was there.  and i talked about him.  and he helped me.  and i got through it.

it's just harder.

i am trying.

one of connor's teachers came by yesterday and brought a bag of his 'stuff' that i had left at school.  i had forgotten all about it.  in it were his leg braces, his shoes, tube supplies, and a cute little craft he 'made'.  this sweet little treasure made me smile....

 it really did make me laugh.  to see my sweet boy, sleeping through Kindergarten (as he did the entire 3 days he was there...)

seeing his little leg braces, however, was harder for me.

i don't know why, but these two tiny braces really tore at my heart.

i miss the little legs that went inside.

i miss the tiny feet that belong inside.

i just miss him.

i am learning how to 'do life' without him.

or without the physical him.  i know he is still 'with' me.  it's just so much harder to feel him.

i miss the little things.

i'm grateful for it all though.

i am learning.  i am growing.  i am grieving.

i am grateful for it all.

<3