the morning after: blue ribbons and angels.

the first night i spent without my sweet boy was by far the hardest night of my life.

the loneliest i've ever felt.

the next morning i was disoriented, still so lonely, still so heartbroken.  my face was swollen from crying so much.  so many tears had fallen, and it seemed like they would never stop.

my dad came and got me and said, "you have to come outside and see this."

i got aubrey and opened the front door and this is what we saw:

of course, i started crying again.

there were blue ribbons everywhere.

all up and down our street (and leading all the way to our church, i found out later) were blue ribbons tied so sweetly to every tree, pole and mailbox.

up in our tree were dozens of angels, hanging and sparkling amongst the branches.

aubrey was amazed.  she said, "Connie was here!!" 

my heart was broken, but was so full at the same time!

i later found out that some sweet women from church were responsible for all this.  (and maybe my beautiful boy did a few himself ;)

this simple gesture---tying a ribbon, hanging an angel----meant the world to me.

it brought me comfort when i needed it the most.

it filled a deep empty place in my soul.

and the fact that it made aubrey so happy and so sure it was her brother that did it---that was the greatest part of it all.

i am continually blessed by the kindness and service of others.

i am always looking for signs from my sweet boy.

i always find one when i need it most.

i miss him.

i miss him so much i can't describe it.

the blue ribbons are still there. 

 angels are still glinting and glittering up in our tree.

aubrey and her friend collected the ones that had fallen, and i have them saved in connor's special box.

i miss everything about my beautiful little boy.

i know he is around me, leading and guiding me when i am at a loss of where to go or what to do.

he is my strength and my courage and my hope.

he is beautiful.

angel wings and all.

<3