i cleaned out the van today.

that is a victory.

i've gotten things semi-organized enough to where i think i can find things to put in suitcases.

also a small victory.

my dad flies in tomorrow.

yay!!!

we leave on Saturday.

connor is still struggling with his breathing. 

i hope he does ok on this road trip, and in Illinois.

aubrey is getting really excited about going, but is so sad to leave her friends.

she's afraid they won't remember her when we get back.

she's been cramming in as much play time as she can before we leave.

but she came in for a little bit today and i found her like this....

just watching some tv with her little brother.

<3

made my stress level go down several notches.

i love my sweet babies.

whenever i'm having the roughest of weeks or days, it helps to walk in a room and see this.

makes everything else just a little less hard.

now, back to packing.

.........

hard days.

my beautiful little boy has been having a hard time with his breathing again the last couple days.

i'm not sure if it's because of the pneumonia, or just normal stuff.

his breathing has definitely not improved at all since his surgery.

:(

he's been staying up extra late at night, too.

(or early in the morning)

but he's still extraordinarily handsome.

i've been trying to get things organized and ready for us to go to Illinois.

still working on that one.

i've been really emotional and 'off' this week.

not exactly sure why.

sometimes when i see so many people around me so happy and content in their relationships and people getting married, it just makes me feel so empty(in that regard).

but i'm always genuinely happy for those people.

it's just a little hard some days.

but, then i stop and take a minute and look at this little face......

and everything is ok.

it's more than ok, it's perfect.

i know that i am right where i'm supposed to be.

where i need to be.

where i want to be.

the love that i have for him, for both of my sweet babies, is more than i could ever ask for.

some things in life are just hard.

and that's ok.

because some things are good.

really good.

<3

happy Sunday:)

our fancy-pants are back on this week!

but first, some BREAKING NEWS......

aubrey finally lost her first tooth yesterday!!

the tooth fairy came and left some money and a teeny surprise under her pillow last night.

however, apparently aubrey is an extremely active sleeper and woke up with her pillow at her feet.

she came running in to my room this morning really excited with just the money in her hands, telling me to look and see what the tooth fairy brought her!!

(sometime during the night, in the midst of her 'active sleeping', the other little surprise got knocked somewhere)

so i kept saying, "are you sure that's all the tooth fairy brought??"

then i told her that i peeked under her pillow before i went to bed and i swore i saw something else under that pillow....

so we searched her room and sure enough, found the little surprise in between her bed and the wall.

good thing the tooth fairy has me looking out for her...

:)

i tried to take a picture of her missing tooth, but you can't really even tell because the permanent ones have already almost fully grown in behind the baby ones.

i'm so glad she finally lost her first tooth, though.

now she won't feel so left out.

and now i can finally work on pulling out connor's other loose one in the front.

i didn't want him to 'steal her thunder' again, so i've been waiting.

:)

a permanent tooth never did start to come in from where i pulled connor's baby one. 

i doubt it ever will.

i guess we'll just wait and see, you never know with my sweet boy.

he's been doing a little better the last few days, but really struggled with his breathing and secretions during church today.

i really hope he doesn't get sick again.

and can stay healthy for our vacation to Illinois.

i would hate to have him get sick out there, away from all his doctors.

it's a little nerve wracking.

but we'll handle it, either way.

cause that's what we do.

happy Sunday.

<3

just hanging out with my beautiful boy this afternoon.

he's been doing a little better.

his main problem now has been tummy issues from the antibiotic he's on.

can't wait till it's all done.

hopefully he's over it before we have to leave for Illinois next Saturday.

(next Saturday!!)

i really need to start getting organized.

there's so much i need to do, so much i need to remember to bring.

all of connor's medical equipment and supplies.

it's a lot.

i'm getting really excited though.

 

 can't wait to see everybody, and for everyone (or anyone that wants to) to see my sweet babies.

not really looking forward to the humidity all that much, but maybe it's not as bad as i remember it.....

i'm sure it's gotten better over the years...

right?

oh, and in exactly 4 weeks from today....

Pearl Jam concert!!!!

still crossing my fingers connor will stay healthy enough for me to feel ok about going.

no more pneumonia, buddy.

please?

<3

long week.

so it's been a long week.

after his fevers starting last wednesday, connor finally seems to be turning a corner today.

he slept a little better last night, his typical every 1-2 hour waking up schedule.

it's so lovely!!

he is really lethargic today, and i can tell he still doesn't feel well.

he's been through so much this week.

lots of doctors.

lots of fevers.

lots of pain.

lots of medicine.

lots of shots.

and a new tube!

(that was a good thing)

tonight he is agitated, seems to be in a lot of pain.

he's still having a bit of a hard time breathing at certain points.

and i'm sure his little thighs are pretty sore.

4 shots will do that do you.

:(

but, as always, he's still super cute.

i love him beyond words.

hopefully we can put this week of sickness behind us.

we need to start preparing for our trip home to Illinois!

it's coming up quick.

<3

another day.....another doctor.

another day, another doctor.

and another visit to the pediatrician tomorrow, plus a trip to Primary Children's to get his GJ tube changed and blood drawn for DNA testing.

lots of doctor visits in the last week.

(BOO! for co-pays!!)

this time we had Sissy with us to keep us company.

she was happy she didn't have to get any shots....

 my beautiful boy had to get 2 shots, one in each thigh.

hopefully these shots of antibiotics will start the turn-around we've been waiting for.

he has to go in tomorrow and get 2 more, and possibly start another antibiotic.

we'll see if tonight is any better.

i hope hope hope it's an easier night for my sweet boy.

he gets that lovely 'pasty white' leg color from me.

you're welcome, buddy.

or, i'm so sorry is more like it.

:/

not sure if i've mentioned it lately, but i love this beautiful boy.

so much.

<3

rough week....and happy Father's Day!

it's Sunday, but a not so happy Sunday here.

no fancy pants for us today.

no pants at all, actually.

(for connor. he is just wearing a onesie. i have pants on--just to clarify)

it's been a rough week here.

my sweet boy's fever started on Wednesday and hasn't gone down since.

went to the Urgent Care yesterday and his x-rays showed 'possible' pneumonia in his right lung.

this is us waiting for the doctor to come back and tell us the x-ray results yesterday.

my poor sweet boy didn't feel well at all.

last night was pretty awful, too.

he did sleep for a few hours in a row, but after that it was up every 15 minutes again.

with his little whimpers and moans.

oh, it just breaks my heart.

 i'm hoping his antibiotic will start kicking in today and things will start turning around.

his sweet little face has been so sad all week.

this has been the position we've been in the most.

 if i lay him down, he starts to get really agitated and frantic.

i love him so much.

he's been able to rest a little bit more this morning than he has all week, so hopefully that's his body's way of starting the healing process.

also, it's Father's Day!!

and i couldn't let this day go by without expressing how much i love and appreciate my dad.

he really is my best friend.

i would be so lost without him.

he is so fun, and so perfect with my sweet babies.

he has taught me everything i know and i try so hard everyday to be more like him.

there were some times in my life i so wish i could take back.

times where i didn't listen to or appreciate my dad.

times where i was pretty darn awful to him.

but he has always stood by me, trying to point me in the right direction.

(sometimes jumping up and down, using neon flashing lights)

and when i didn't listen and made my own choices, he was still there in the distance to help me pick up the pieces and start 'doing the right thing'.

 he is a silly best friend and Papa to my sweet girl.

he is a warm, safe, solid presence for our Superboy.

he is everything to me.

best dad, best Papa (or Paca), best friend, best man i know.

i love you, daddy.

thanks for being there for me.

no matter what.

lymtylmsifsib

 <3