a little bit of hope.

connor's new medication arrived UPS today on our doorstep.

i gave him his first dose this afternoon.

there is quite a detailed dosing schedule attached to the bottle.

we will gradually increase the dose and amount of times given throughout the day over a several week period, in order to titrate it to a dose that hopefully works for my sweet boy.

we'll just have to wait and see.

i have a lot of thoughts and feelings running through my head about this new med.

of course, number one, i hope it does something to bring some sort of relief for my beautiful boy.

i hope it can make him feel better, calmer, lest agitated, peaceful for a change.

i hope it helps with his breathing and can alleviate these scary suffocating episodes.

i hope it benefits him.

these are my hopes.

but it's also a little scary, for obvious reasons----not knowing how it affects children exactly, possible side effects or damage that could be done, etc...

and also, it's a little strange and slightly frightening in a weird way to picture my sweet boy any different than how is is now, how he always has been.

it's odd to think of my beautiful boy with less movements.

he always moves.  he's always moving.
that's just him.

to see anything different will be.....well, different.

i just hope it makes him more comfortable.

i really hope it does something for him.

he goes through so much everyday, all day.  i want him to be peaceful.

and happy!

i would give anything to know that he is able to feel happiness.

i just love him.

i'm trying not to get my hopes up too high about this medicine, but having a little bit of hope is always a good thing, i do believe.

so hands up if you've got a little bit of hope......

 <3