about 3 years ago, connor had his saliva glands removed.  well the bottom two were removed and the top two were tied off.  so basically he has no saliva glands. 

 so for a kid with no saliva glands he sure does produce a lot of saliva.

he's had tons of secretions lately.  

and secretions make it harder for him to breathe.  which makes him agitated in general---even more agitated than his usual agitation. 

which makes night times even harder.  which makes sleep even shorter.

which just makes me sad for him that he has to struggle so much to just breathe.  i can't imagine having to work for every breath, just because your brain can't tell your throat muscles to make room for air.  

the saliva gland removal surgery improved his life drastically, though.  so i can't even imagine what it would be like if he still had full use of his saliva glands.  i remember how it was before, and i am just grateful it's not like that anymore.  i would seriously have to suction him every 3 minutes.  at least.  i remember i had to pull over to the side of the road every time we drove somewhere.  stop and suction.  stop and suction.

i couldn't leave the room for even a minute, i was too afraid he was going to choke and stop breathing.  and he would if i was gone for more than one minute without suctioning him.  going to the bathroom was a mad dash with the door left open.  

so even though i feel bad that he's having a harder time these last few weeks with his secretions, i am so so grateful that it's not as bad as it could be.

i just wish i could help him breathe during these times.  i would give all my breaths for him to be able to breathe freely for just a little bit. 

i love him.

<3