mixed emotions.

it's Sunday.

this weekend is General Conference weekend, something i look forward to twice a year.

this is my first time watching without my sweet boy in my lap.

i have been listening with such intent, i want to be guided and directed.  especially now, i need guidance and direction as i try and find my way without my beautiful boy.

there have been several messages i feel were meant for me.  i am so grateful for Conference and for the talks given.  every day is so hard for me, and through the gospel of Jesus Christ i find hope.

without this hope i know i wouldn't be able to survive the day.

last night i went to a concert with two of my friends.  they bought me a ticket and invited me to go with them.

i had a great time, i really did.

but it did not escape me for one second that the reason i was able to go was because my son was gone.  i had such mixed emotions about going, about being able to go.  i truly enjoyed myself and am so glad i went.  but in the back of my mind i couldn't erase the feeling that i shouldn't be there.....i should be home, with my son.

i would give everything to be able to just stay home with my beautiful boy.

i am trying so hard to "live life".

it's just hard.

i am grateful for moments of happiness and joy.

i am grateful for friends and people that truly love and care about me.

i am grateful for the gospel.

i am grateful.

happy Sunday.

<3