connor has never actually smiled.  as in, the muscles in his face have never formed an actual smile.   now, he does things sometimes that i can tell means he would be smiling if he could, and he smiles with those bright blue eyes of his......but i remember when he was just a baby and i kept waiting for him to smile up at me, his momma, but he never did.  of course, i felt like i wasn't doing something right, or maybe he just didn't find me very amusing..........i remember one time though, around 3 months old, before he stopped eating, i remember holding him while he was sleeping and i swore i saw a tiny little smile come from his little lips.  and i remember thinking in my head "whew!  that means he's going to start doing it from now on, now i don't have to worry about him not meeting that milestone".............and it never happened again.  and shortly after that is when everything started going downhill pretty fast.   and i've been thinking about that moment when i thought i saw a tiny little smile (i swear i did, i can still picture it in my mind)  and i'm thinking it must've been a sweet gift from Heaven, maybe just for me for when i was going to need it most...

today my beautiful boy smiles at me in different ways.  when he makes eye contact with me, locking those piercing blue eyes with mine, i feel the power of a millions smiles all rolled into one.  and that makes me smile.  i love my beautiful boy.