day 3 of blogging.....still trying to figure out how all this fancy stuff works:)  i really wish i would've started this years ago so i could have documented everything about my beautiful boy and aubrey and not forget anything.   so i may go back and forth on here between talking about today, and writing things i remember from the past that i don't want to forget......if that makes any sense.

i've been thinking a lot about when connor was first born and later when we started learning that he wasn't "normal".   (sidenote:  i don't believe in "normal", it's a setting on a washing machine)   anyway, i remember distinctly when we had first taken him to the hospital to get the tube put down his nose for the first time after he wouldn't eat for a week. he was around 3-4 months old......and then after they did the swallow study on him that showed he was aspirating everything into his lungs.   when the dietician came and talked to me about tube feedings and about the future option of putting a permanent tube in his stomach through surgery, i had this moment of shock......i couldn't fathom that there were people in the world that strictly ate through a tube for their whole lives, like it had never dawned on me that this was even possible.  at that moment i remember thinking that it couldn't be possible that he would never eat pizza, or that he would never eat birthday cake at a party, this thought was incredulous to me.  i remember voicing this to the dietician and her telling me that it was possible and that there are in fact many people in the world that rely on tube feedings for their nutrition.   i remember thinking that day that my whole life and concept of it had changed a bit.   maybe i had just been really oblivious before, and probably pretty naive about things outside my comfort zone.  but i just remember that day and my initial shock and then a shift in thinking. 

today Connor is strictly fed through a tube surgically placed in his stomach, actually bypassing his stomach going down into his intestines.  he's on a 22 hour a day pump that delivers his formula in small drips so he can handle it.  and for us, this is totally normal.  and it works for my beautiful boy, so for that i am grateful. :)