most of my life i have felt inadequate.  about pretty much everything.  that's the best word i can think of to describe how i felt (and feel) in almost every situation....from when i was younger until now.  about the way i look,  talking to people, relationships, making friends, etc.   it has become a pretty normal feeling, not a particularly great one, but familiar.   so last night when i was holding connor in my arms, cuddling with him (as much as he will cuddle since he's always moving and whacking me :) i realized that i felt a different kind of feeling that wasn't the same familiar one......i realized that i felt adequate.  and i realized that i feel that feeling whenever i'm holding my beautiful boy, or whenever aubrey draws me a sweet picture or she giggles at something i say.  at those times i feel adequate.  and it feels pretty darn good.  :)