night time always seems to be so much lonelier than daytime.   maybe it's the darkness, i think darkness is much more lonely than light.   night time also brings with it lots of thinking for me..........i think i have too much time to think.   i think.....

thinking brings with it so many feelings and emotions that i wish i could just turn it off for a while.  so now i'm typing and getting some of my thoughts out, and you'll notice it won't make a lot of sense......... because it doesn't to me either!!!!!  my thoughts rarely make a whole lot of sense and sometimes the longer i think about something, the more confusing it gets.  i'm sure whoever is reading this is also now very confused themselves.  welcome to my brain!

most of the time i have too many things i need to think about that picking just one to focus on at a time is hard, so they end up getting all jumbled and meshed together, which doesn't help at all.  when i start thinking about connor and all that's going on with him, i feel so helpless and frustrated and overwhelmed that it becomes too much and too hard that i have to stop, at least for a second or two, to catch my breath.   so i switch to thinking about something else but everything i'm dealing with is equally overwhelming so i don't get much accomplished.   that's when i start thinking about penguins.  or tootsie rolls.  

which reminds me, i need to go get some tootsie rolls......

and that's my story for tonight.  a jumbled mess of thoughts.  i'll try again tomorrow...